The Friday before last I was sitting in a park on a third date with a guy. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon; the wine was chilled and the banter was boomin’. Then he managed to ruin the good vibes by incessantly trying to make out with me between belching the scent of beer and pizza into my face.
Comfort zone breached.
Now I’m not a total princess when it comes to men’s behaviour, but there’s a certain level of dignity I expect a person to bring to the party. Like, if you know you’re going to be in close proximity to a potential suitor, don’t indulge in carbonated drinks and pepperoni before you meet up with them. And if someone is overtly uninterested in your mouth being near theirs, don’t keep trying to mash faces uninvited. Boundaries, people.
As a comfort-zone breaching type, it’s good to get out and get those character-building dating experiences, but it’s a little distressing to later reflect on them and realise your personal freedoms were violated. He’d actually failed to respect my comfort zones on date one and two as well but I’d somehow turned it around on myself. I accused me of being frigid. Only in hindsight do I realise that I just really didn’t feel like getting intimate with my saliva at any point because I just really didn’t feel like getting intimate with my saliva at any point. AND THAT’S ENOUGH.
So how did I find myself on this diabolical third date, despite the previous warning signs? Well, you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve since figured it out. The thing is, I’m not being who I want to attract. My whole life I’ve lacked a lot of confidence and in turn I’ve sometimes lowered my standards, attracting ageing boys who aren’t that great at looking after themselves. Here’s how that works:
If we’re matured adults still carrying around the timidities of our childhoods – like the scars of rejection, commitment issues, fears of being left, and so on – then that shit’s being projected in the things we do and say. People who are passive are going to attract control freaks, people who are victims are going to attract rescuers and people who lack confidence in their own loveliness are going to get burped on.
Flash forward to a week later where I was sitting at a fancy cocktail bar in Mykonos, sipping €18 cocktails and watching part of society indulge in privilege. I was with two absolutely gorgeous women – one my cousin – who both manage to radiate an outstanding level of confidence. Sure, they’ve got their own insecurities, but they also know the type of people they want in their lives and advertise themselves accordingly.
It’s the simple law of attraction, isn’t it. And the more I reflected on my surroundings of that trip, observed the people, and looked at situations from different perspectives, it was a little bit clearer how life works for us humans.
Be who you want to attract.
This glorious planet is swamped with billions of humans; each and every person with their own little set of feelings, morals, values and outlooks. If we want to draw in the good ones with the right level of intelligence and self-respect, we have to have our own repository of internal awesomeness to tap into.
Know your worth and own it.
So, let us all push the boundaries of our insecurities and be a version of ourselves that reflects the kind of person we want to attract into our lives – romantically or otherwise. I mean, I can’t be a confident, compassionate, charitable, planet-conscious, career-driven comedian overnight, but it will happen if it’s manifested properly. With our remarkable human minds, we can each create our own reality. And that’s a bloody exciting prospect for the lot of us.
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