20
Jul
2017
6

First time contact lenses


I’ve always felt like maybe if I was wearing contacts instead of glasses people might automatically perceive me as less annoying. Like imagine if Meg from Family Guy got contacts… would we feel less like we wanted to put her in a headlock and give her a noogie?

I’ve been considering the tiny plastic sight enhancers for a little while now. I don’t really like wearing glasses and often I don’t when I probably should. Like when I dress up and go out at night, I tend to dance around with a bunch of blurry faces, totally missing when people are trying to pick me up from across the room. Because that happens a lot.

I’ve just been putting it off for a few years because the idea of poking myself in the eye and leaving a plastic cup in it made me sick.

Plus they seemed like such a nuisance because you can’t shower, swim or sleep in them. What if I got drunk and forgot to take them out before bed? That happens. You might expect you’d dream in HD or something, but no. Apparently your eye doesn’t get enough oxygen and goes red and puffy and sore – you know, unless you incur more serious damage like a blinded eye.

I’ve also been a little weary of them because I’ve heard you can run into dramas if you so much as insert a spec of dust into your eyeball when applying the contact. What should have been a more pleasant time with your vision suddenly turns into you wanting to gouge your eye out with a fork.

And don’t even get me started on my memories of mum losing her contacts when we were kids. She’d brace herself like she was about to catch a ball and yell “Nobody move, I’ve lost a contact!” Us kids would go into a sort of military mode – freeze and drop like it was a drill. We’d scour at ground level until someone found it and we could get on with our lives.

So you can see the few reasons why I’ve put it off for so long.

Buuuut, like I always try to tell everyone (my brother thinks I preach): if you don’t try something, how will you know you don’t like it?

If I didn’t jump out of my comfortable life of not having to poke myself in the eyeball so I could see pretty people, how would I have ever known I was excellent at it?

The guy who gave me my lessons said that he had done hundreds of “teachings” and I was definitely in the top 15 of being the best first-time contact-er. He was half my size so I’m positive he wasn’t just trying to crack onto me. I was chuffed.

I didn’t actually realise there was going to be so much of a process in getting a hold of them though. There’s an appointment to have them fitted, an appointment to get a teaching, a one-week trial period before they’ll give you a prescription, an appointment to make sure you survived the trial week without blinding yourself and an appointment to pick up your month’s supply. It’s kind of like dating your contact lenses. A weird sort of dating where you try to get to know each other’s bodies before you decide to live together forever.

I’m not sure how I feel about my contacts intermittently living in my eyes. It’s now been seven days and sometimes the left eye is blurry while the right eye consistently nails it. Grabbing them out of my eye is actually the worst part, sometimes you have to pluck at your eye for a good thirty seconds before those slippery suckers attach back onto your finger tips. It’s gross.

Thanks for reading my first time contact lenses blog edition. Here’s a video of me putting them in, just ask if you want one of me pickin’ ’em out too:

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