I received a Tinder message from the muscliest man on Tinder asking me very formally not to score him on subtlety, but would I be interested in some casual fun. I said ‘Hi Invalesco,’ (because that is his Tinder name) ‘in theory I probably am but I might be too much of a lady in my approach to “fun” for this’.
To which blah blah blah, I won’t bore you with the details, but we somehow landed on a Skype date later that evening.
I was pretty nervous. It was like a real date but with different types of nerves and things to prepare for. I wasn’t sure what to wear for a start. It was 10pm and no one looks glam before bed – except maybe that Kardashian woman – so I chose the sleep-in-my-activewear look and put on my fav hoodie. After tying my hair back in an adorable ponytail, manipulating the light to make my skin look immaculate and checking my bikini line was up to scratch, I was ready to go.
In his pictures he was literally massive, so I wasn’t surprised when the Skype session opened to reveal a literally massive man slurping down a protein shake in real time.
I chuckled inside because our camera setup was totally different. While I was all cosy in bed pretending I was naturally super cute, he had sat his phone on some sort of bench, taken a few steps back and just stood there. Once the shake is out of his hands, what’s he gonna do with them?? I wondered, obviously.
He was a nice enough guy, a Londoner. But I’m pretty sure he was super dooper wooper booper nervous because he kept repeating things I would say back to me. Or sometimes totally ignore them.
Turns out he wasn’t really a massive playaaaa either. He had just come out of a longterm relationship and was looking to dip his feet back into the water – probably one of the most genuine reasons for being on Tinder to be honest. I also found out that his name isn’t really Invalesco, he just came up with that when he created his Facebook account specifically for Tinder use. Apparently Invalesco is the name of a computer game or something.
The conversation was pretty strange, it went on for about 20 minutes and we spoke about everything from sleeping patterns to the Taliban. There wasn’t any merry banter, but I’m not complaining because it was 20 minutes on Skype rather than 2 hours stuck in a pub.
I kind of think this is a pretty good way to meet someone from Tinder for the first time…
He sent a text after the call and said to let him know if I was keen to meet. I considered giving him a second chance because he was quite clearly very nervous and maybe the chat could be improved once he relaxed. But then I remembered the casual fun thing and thought, maybe not. But then I remembered you don’t really need to have good chat for casual fun, so thought maybe. But then I remembered if I do it you guys will know that I’m out having casual fun with some muscle from Tinder. And frankly, that’s none of your business!
Go on! Get outta here! Rascals!